T-62 Veteran coming to Armored Warfare

T-62 veteran for stream

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156 Responses

  1. razing32 says:

    Here’s a joke that might be lost in translation.

    During the cold war the US captures plans for a new Russian tank. They get their top men on the blueprints and at the end of the procedure they complete …. a bulldozer. Upset , they get another contractor . Yet again the end result is a bulldozer.
    Frustrated the US hires people from their allies in the UK and Japan. They provide them with the blueprints. When they come to inspect the result …. a bulldozer.
    Reaching their limit the CIA capture a Russian engineer , and ask him to build the tank for them. He agrees in exchange for vodka. One month passes. The US goes to inspect the work. In the garage their is a layer of empty vodka bottles and to their pleasant surprise a brand new Russian tank.
    Curios , they ask the engineer how it was possible for him to do it as they always got a bulldozer while following the very same blueprints.
    The engineer grabs a magnifying glass , and enhances a corner of the blueprints: “To be polished to perfection”

  2. Puppies says:

    You hear the joke about the airplane?

    Uh, never mind, it’s over your head.

  3. Skippy72 says:

    To bad they make it to eaise to obtain this tank.
    Makes it a bit less special.
    Would be more fun to obtain if there was a serious challenge in play.
    I got it the eaisy thnax to Spooky so i guess i should not complain.
    Still just my oppinion tho

  4. Xaver says:

    This is a world Summit with the most important leaders to talk about that big things they usually talk and in the middle of it appear God and says them

    God: “i am bored of the humans, you as leaders of them are selected to say to humanity that in 7 days i am going to reset the world, you all are going to die”

    Well, Putin arrives to Moscow and decide convoke in the Red Square all rusians and says to them:
    Putin: “i have 2 notices for you, one is good, the other bad, what you want first???”
    People: “Good first!!!”
    Putin: “Ok, the good notice is that God exists, he appears to all world leaders.”
    People: “yes yes, God exist ALELUYA… and the bad notice???”
    Putin: “he says me that is going to destroy the world in 7 days!!!”
    People:”noooooooooooo”

    And like this in all the nations… but in USA…. Obama convokate all USA guys to the capital, in a big summit, all people waiting and Obama appears and says:

    Obama: “i have 2 good notices for you”
    People: “and what are the 2 good notices???”
    Obama: “God exists!!!”
    People: “oooo ALELUYA God exist!!! we have paradise secured!!!… and the 2nd good notice???”
    Obama: “He says to me the secret to made paradise on earth, no more wars, no more crisis, no more problems… you only need wait 7 days”

  5. Lars says:

    Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats ? So they can see their Air Force.

    Or another one;) :

    Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.
    One boy throws his bag out the window.
    Teacher: who just threw that?!
    Boy: Me! I’m going home now.

  6. Garry_Gamed says:

    Fantasy Joke Incoming!
    How Many dwarfs are needed to put in a lightbulb?
    100!
    1 holds the lightbulb and 99 drink until the room is spinning

    and are we allowed to post several?….Like: whats yellow and shoots?A Bananon!(maybe lost in translation…meh)

  7. Agroplode says:

    A woman walking home at night decide to take a short cut through the local Cemetery, about halfway she hears a noise but keeps going, then suddenly in the dark she spots a man kneeling over a tombstone. She whispers to him “my good man what are you doing, you scared me”, the man responds “they misspelled my name”.

  8. Zarathustra says:

    Why are Russian tanks always happy?
    They don’t have depression.

  9. Craig Risley says:

    “Knock,knock” …

    “Who’s there” ?

    “Europe” …

    “Europe who”?

    “NO, your a poo” !

    Courtesy of my 6 year old daughter ha ha.

  10. Tefq says:

    What’s white and goes up the mountain? An avalanche with homesickness.

  11. Bigsexy3 says:

    A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said: “I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest.” 24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man “why didn’t you raise your hand?” The man replied: “Too much trouble raising the hand, Sarge.”

  12. Sweeziee says:

    An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, “I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?” The husband replies, “First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!”

  13. ozjester says:

    My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

  14. Scipio says:

    If this tanks stats are just the same as t62 why not just give people a camo skin?

  15. james says:

    I couldn’t decide between these two but they’re only little so I hope that’s OK.

    What did 0 say to 8?
    Nice belt!

    Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?
    He was a little hoarse

  16. Vingles says:

    T62 Vet is still the same (stats) compared to t62. Just checked. And hope you’ll get better some spooky!

  17. J3huty says:

    Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. “I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” says the beaming boy to his father. “Nope,” comes dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you’ve been doing to me all these years.”

  18. Zapp_Brannigan says:

    I’d tell you a Tog joke but it would be too long.

  19. Evil says:

    Why do they call it hypertext?
    Too much JAVA.

  20. TitaniumBeard says:

    How do you break up a bingo game in Iraq ? Call out B-52.

  21. DammaRamma says:

    Whats the fastes way to end a bingo-game in the middle east….

    ……callout number B52

  22. J3huty says:

    A moment of silent prayer, please, for the submarine sailor who insisted on sleeping with the windows open.

  23. Lee says:

    There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

  24. nems says:

    I had to translate this from Norwegian.. (not sure if its Norwegian in origin tho, probably not)

    Sherloc Holmes and Dr. Watson are going camping and they pitch their tent under a starlit sky.
    During the night, Holmes wakes his assistant and says: “Watson, look up at the stars and tell me your conclusion”
    Watson responds: “I can see a million stars, and even tho just a few of them have planets there might be life”
    Holmes says: “Watson you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!”

    At least it makes me laugh 😀

  25. Dichtungshanf says:

    Three guysstand on top of the Eiffel Tower.
    First one looks down: “Well, I sure could eat a Hotdog right now.”, jumps from the Tower, flyes to a Hotdog stand, grabs one and flies away.
    Second one looks after him: “Well, me too.”, jumps from the tower and follows the first.

    Third guy leans over the railing and looks down: “Shit, thats high… but when te other guys could do it, i should be able to, too.”, climbs over the railing, jumps and is dead.

    The other two guys come back flying and the first one talks to the second: “Well, for being angels, we are kinda mean.”

    Looses a bit due to translation, sorry

  26. FN5Seven says:

    I took a trip to the zoo the other day. It was empty, except for a single dog…

    It was a shih tzu.

  27. Defiant_Raven says:

    I’m a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac and I lay awake at night wondering if there really is a dog?

  28. Becks_23 says:

    Q: How do you catch a squirrel?

    A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut.

  29. Bart-Jan says:

    You know what they call a pile of cats?

    A meeoowtain!

  30. Cseke Sandor says:

    The three weeks airborn school in army for volunteers.
    First day the sergeant present the siuation:
    – First week we separate real man from kids ! Second week we separate real man from idiots !
    – …and the third week ? – ask a soldier.
    – In third week the idiots start to jump !

  31. Nickh101 says:

    Q: what is the defanition of cheek ?

    A: Peeing through someones letterbox ( mailbox for you yanks 😉 ) then knocking on the door to ask how far it went :):)

  32. Magnetronius says:

    ok i have a couple of military themed jokes for you

    The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier, “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.” “Thank you very much, sir.”

    A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said: “I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest.” 24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man “why didn’t you raise your hand?” The man replied: “Too much trouble raising the hand, Sarge.”

    and finally
    Which month do soldiers hate most? March!

  33. Tapio says:

    The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier, “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.” “Thank you very much, sir.”

    :)

  34. Soon says:

    I hope this one isn’t too long-
    Q: If we had 100 bricks on a plane and thrown one out, how many do we have left?
    A: 99 bricks!

    Q: What are the 3 actions required in order to put an elephant in the fridge?
    A: 1) Open fridge.
    2) Put the elephant in the fridge.
    3) Close fridge.

    Q: What are the four actions required in order to put a deer in the fridge?
    A: 1) Open fridge.
    2) Take the elephant out the fridge.
    3) Put the deer in the fridge.
    4) Close fridge.

    Q: It’s the jungles king birthday today. Which animal hasn’t shown up in the party?
    A: The deer of course, because it is in the fridge.

    Q: An old lady wishes to get across a swamp where the alligators live. How does she manage to get across alive?
    A: The alligators are still at the jungles king party.

    Q: Eventually, she dies. How come?
    ….

    ..
    A: …Do you remember that brick we thrown out of the plane?

  35. Pete says:

    How did Vikings communicate at sea?

    By Norse code!

    MUAHAHAHAHAA! :)

  36. Procyon says:

    Hey,
    i hope u’ll like this one :

    A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

  37. Garzenesh says:

    Ok, this isn’t a joke per se, but it’s a story I ran across 10 years or so ago in undergrad and I die laughing every time I read it. Perhaps it will suffice in place of a joke, since a joke is supposed to cause laughter, right? Enjoy!

    Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I’m lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife’s wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. “Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.” “You know where the button is,” I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. “Reset it yourself!” “But I’m scared!” she persisted. “What if it starts going and sucks me in?” There was a meaningful pause and then, “C’mon, it’ll only take you a second.” So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn’t the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the précised moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a fight or flight syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the “flight” option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of “been-there, done-that” paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter… and not succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claming it was too painful to talk about. Which it was. “What’s the matter?” they all asked, “Cat got your tongue?” If they only knew…

  38. The_Valiant says:

    A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

  39. Halzen says:

    Do you know why it isn’t fashionable to wear cardboard belts? Too many people view them as a waist of paper.

  40. BlazedMayh3m says:

    What do you call bears with no ears?

    B

  41. DammaRamma says:

    or this one…whats the best way to stop the t-14 Armata?

    just put a red square in front of it ….

    http://thediplomat.com/2015/05/did-the-worlds-deadliest-tank-just-break-down/

  42. DammaRamma says:

    WG has stated that AW is a simple rip-off of WoT…….and other big news, WG is going to introduce a brandnew game-model…they are calling it PVE..
    this make’s me eyes wet….and it isnt even a joke whahaha…gg

  43. BlackGyver says:

    What’s a pirate least favourite letter?
    .
    .
    .
    “Dear Sir/Madam,
    We were recently notified of several copyright infringement incidents originating from your IP address …”

  44. Schafernite says:

    There was a very short medium once who was very low on money. So he decided to rob a convenience store. Minutes later the local police got a call on their radio ” There is a small medium at large.”

  45. chips otoole says:

    Visited a zoo today. It only had one animal, a dog. It was a Shih Tzu!

  46. Track_Tension says:

    Can any future articles dealing with PvE be called “Dances with Bots”? (Maybe Kevin Costner could do some voice work for the game…)

  47. Marine_6521 says:

    Three boys on the playground were bragging about their dads. One said. “My dad scribbles a few words, calls it a song and they pay him 50 bucks.”
    “Oh, yeah. My dad scribbles a few words, calls it a poem and they pay him 100 bucks.”
    “That’s nothin’,” said the third kid. My dad scribbles a few words, calls it a sermon and it takes six people to collect all the money!”

  48. LoveCrusader says:

    Kind of a nerdy physics joke, but that one makes me laugh every time…:

    A Higgs Boson walks into a catholic church. Priest says “Hey, what are you doing here?” The Higgs Boson says “You can’t have mass without me”

  49. Adder1 says:

    As the navigator pulled himself up into the plane, the pilot removed a .38 revolver and set it down on the instrument panel. “Know what this is for?” the pilot asked.

    The navigator timidly shook his head. “No, what’s it for?”

    The pilot replied, “I use it for navigators who get me lost.”

    The navigator proceeded to remove his .45 and set it down on his chart table.

    “What’s that for?” the pilot asked.

    To which the navigator replied: “Frankly, I’ll know we’re lost before you will.”

  50. Wivode says:

    This is the best I got.
    There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

  51. Jesus says:

    See if you can do this. Read each line aloud.

    This is this cat
    This is is cat
    This is how cat
    This is to cat
    This is keep cat
    This is a cat
    This is dumbass cat
    This is busy cat
    This is for cat
    This is forty cat
    This is seconds cat

    Now go back and read the THIRD word
    in each line from the top.

  52. Moohcow says:

    Say “rise up lights”, you just said razor blades with an Australian accent. Your reaction=well oil beef hooked.
    (Hey I didn’t say anything wrong :D)

  53. Valah says:

    A policeman and his son are taking a walk. Suddenly a car pulls up along side them and the driver, looking for directions asks the policeman : – Hablas espanol? Sprechen sie deutsch? Parlate italiano? Parlez-vous francais?
    Seeing that the policeman doesn’t understand anythig the man drives away.
    The boy asks his father: – Dad, did you see how many languages that man spoke?
    The policeman then says: – Yes, but what good did it do to him?

  54. Jahz says:

    Two guys were riding a tandem bicycle. The guy at the front suddenly pulls the brake, jumps off and let’s air out of the tyres.

    The guy at the back seemed perplexed and asks, “what’s the story bro, why are you letting the air out?”

    The first guy responds, “I was getting a sore bottom…”

    The second guy, now getting frustrated also jumps off. He loosens his seat and turns it around.

    The first guy bewildered asks why he did that, and second guy responds, “I’ve had enough so I’m going to ride home!!”

  55. Daripuff says:

    A bit of a computer geek joke, that has to be written, cannot be spoken.

    There are 10 kinds of people in the world:
    Those who know binary and those who don’t.

  56. zcc1123 says:

    Why did the chicken cross the street?
    to go to the birdseye factory.

  57. DexFreak says:

    After 12 years in prison, a man 
finally breaks out. When he 
gets home, filthy and exhausted, 
his wife says, “Where have 
you been? You escaped eight hours ago!”

  58. SphinX_AU says:

    A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist tells him that the condoms come in packs of three, nine, or 12, and asks which ones the young man wants. “Well,” he says, “Ive been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s the night. We’re having dinner with her parents and then we’re going out. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack!” The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he may give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.” He leans over to her and says, “You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.”

  59. Shadow says:

    Teacher: “Anyone who thinks he’s stupid may stand up!”
    Nobody stands up
    Teacher: “I’m sure there are some stupid students over here!”
    *Little Johnny stands up*
    Teacher: “Johnny you think you’re stupid?”
    Little Johnny: “No… i just feel bad that you’re standing alone…”

  60. Angry_Guy says:

    Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

    I gave him a glass of water.

  61. Brian says:

    Q- What kind of man is least likely to cheat on his wife?
    A- The kind that likes his house.

  62. Niklas johansson says:

    A friend was frezzing in my house.

    Friend: Hi pal heat up the house will you. Its frezzing in here.
    Me: you can get warm in a sec if you want1
    Friend: hows that possible?
    Me: stand inthe corner over there!
    Friend: why should i do that?
    Me. Because it 90 degress at all corners

    :)

  63. Mot says:

    What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
    Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

  64. SteelVanguard says:

    A little strawberry was sitting on a fence, crying softly.

    A farmer walked by and spotted her, saying “Oh little strawberry, what’s wrong?!”

    The strawberry sobbed out “Oh please Mr. Farmer, can you help me?! My mother is in a jam!”

  65. Cerro says:

    You know if your a tanker if you’ve ever been fined for riding with your head sticking out your car’s sun roof.

  66. ChairmanMilo says:

    A young boy came home from school and told his mother, “I had a big fight with my classmate. He called me a sissy.” The mother asked, “What did you do?” The boy replied, “I hit him with my purse!”

  67. Ratel says:

    The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don’t speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase “secure the building”. The Army will post guards around the place. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters. The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

  68. RollienCoal says:

    Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down its genes.

  69. KiwiTT says:

    A Kiwi and an Aussie were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.

    After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, “If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?”

    The Kiwi crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.

    Finally, he says, “Well, I don’t know about related, but it sure would make us even.”

  70. CrimsonFog says:

    You hear the one about the guy who mailed the letter without postage?
    …ahhh you wouldn’t get it

  71. friccity says:

    3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, “We have reached your destination”. The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said “Thank you”. The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked “What was that for?”. The 3rd guy replied, “Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!”

  72. NotchbackFiero says:

    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    To visit the moron.
    *Knock Knock*
    Who’s there?
    Me, the chicken!

  73. Dodheim says:

    Good evening from France !
    It’s difficult to know if this joke can be translate in english and be so good but in french, it’s a good one.

    “The general told toto:
    “What good is a gun?
    – A strafe sir!
    – What is a cannon?
    – A snipe sir!
    – What is a tank?
    – A [edited] you sir! ”

    Sir Dodheim. Have a good game everyone !

  74. Josh Stuart says:

    Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I’m reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It’s someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn’t. :)

  75. UnknownChemistry says:

    A marriage is like a workshop. Where the husband works and the wife shops.

    Someone actually said such a joke at one of the weddings I attended. :p

  76. Kookaburra says:

    Q: Why did Tupac go to the jungle?

    A: He had to save the Toucans!

  77. KiwiTT says:

    In New Zealand, our “Main Battle Tank” was a Scorpion … You may think this was a joke, but it was true!

  78. roger purtle says:

    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
    She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”
    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
    Bob has been missing since Friday.

  79. roger purtle says:

    The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.

    So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said “No, I can’t live with Papa bear, he beats me terribly.”

    “OK,” said the judge, “then you want to live with your mother, right?”

    “No way!” replied baby bear, “She beats me worse than Papa bear does.”

    The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn’t quite know what to do. “Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?” asked the judge.

    “Yes,” answered baby bear, “my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago.”

    “You’re sure she will treat you well and won’t beat you?” asked the judge.

    “Oh definitely,” said baby bear, “the Chicago Bears don’t beat anybody.

  80. roger purtle says:

    Two boys were talking and the one said to the other, “There is a easy way to get what you want.”

    The other boy said, “How?” the boy replied, “Tell people you know their secret.”
    The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, “I know your secret!” The dad replies, “Please don’t tell your mom heres $10.”
    The boy then runs to his mom, “I know your secret!” The mom said, “Please don’t tell your dad here’s $15.”
    The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, “I know your secret!” The mail man opened his arms and said, “Come, give your dad a hug!”

  81. rampartt says:

    A guy decides to sell his dog. A potential buyer was asking the owner:
    -Is he healthy?
    -Healthy.
    -Is he smart?
    -Smart.
    -Is he loyal?
    -The most loyal. It’s the 5th time I’m selling him.

  82. Johnson says:

    A boy owned a tank that was uncommonly armored. Many people remarked upon its considerable armor stats. When the boy learned that there are clan wars for armored tanks, he queued his tank. The tank won first prize for armor in both the European and the Russian competitions. The boy entered the tank in ever-larger competitions, until finally he entered it in the Obsidian championship for Armored Warfare. When the Devs had inspected all of the competing tanks, they remarked about the boy’s tank: “It’s made of paper.”

  83. jpkiwi says:

    A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing:

    Husband: I’ve lost my wife. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.

    Sergeant: What is her height?

    Husband: Gee, I really never noticed. Maybe about five feet tall.

    Sergeant: Build?

    Husband: Not slim, not really fat.

    Sergeant: Color of eyes?

    Husband: I think they might be green.

    Sergeant: Color of hair?

    Husband: Changes a couple times a year; may be red now.

    Sergeant: What was she wearing?

    Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.

    Sergeant: Did she go in a car?

    Husband: Oh no, she was driving my truck.

    Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

    Husband : Brand new Ford F150 King Ranch 4 X 4 with Ecoboost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats, DVD with navigation, 21 channel CB radio, 6 cup holders, 4 power outlets, custom “Bubba” floor mats, trailer package with gold bull balls hanging from the hitch. Put on special alloy wheels and off road Michelin’s. Wife put a small scratch on the driver’s door.

    At this point the husband started tearing up and almost cried.

    Sergeant: Don’t worry sir. We’ll find your truck.

  84. Taac says:

    A vegan, a atheist and a cross fitter enter a bar.
    the only way I know this is they told everyone 30 seconds after walking in.

  85. Brock Paine says:

    Early one evening, an Air Force general at Area 51 was surprised to see a Cessna landing at the base. The general immediately summoned the security troops who swarmed out onto the runway in full battle gear, impounded the aircraft, and threw the pilot into an interrogation room. The general grilled the pilot for four hours. Terrified, the pilot claimed he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the base’s runway just before he ran out of fuel. The FBI ran a complete background check on the pilot, and the general ordered him held overnight while they carried out the investigation.

    By the next morning, the general was finally convinced that the pilot really had been lost and wasn’t a spy. The general ordered the airplane fueled his airplane while he informed the pilot that he did NOT see a base, and if he EVER talked about it, he’d spend the rest of his life in prison. He told the young pilot which direction to go to reach Vegas, and finally sent him on his way.

    Several hours later, however, the same Cessna showed up again at the base, and quickly landed. This time, though, there were two people in the plane. Enraged, the general stormed towards the parked Cessna, but the pilot immediately jumped out. “Do whatever you like to me!” he shouted. “But my wife is in the plane! Just tell her where I was last night!”

  86. ryantmccurdy says:

    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder.

    The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.”

    The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”

  87. Bager says:

    If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut : ))

  88. NecandiBrasil says:

    How many gears does a French tank have?
    4 reverse and 1 forward…
    You know, in case the enemy attacks from the rear…

    I know … it’s bad…

  89. Tom says:

    “I’ve got no problems buying tampons: I’m a modern man. But apparently they’re not a ‘proper present’.”

  90. Grimest says:

    Two friends were out hunting, then one of them tripped over a treestump. But he didn’t get up and he was just laying there. His friend quickly called 911; “Help, my friend tripped over a treestump and I think he is dead!”. “Ok, just keep calm, first make sure he is actually dead”. “Ok, hang on a sec”. The person on the phone then hears a loud gunshot, then the friend returns and says; “Now what do I do?”.

  91. Raptus says:

    I’m bad at jokes, so I’ll tell one I heard somewhere. Here goes. :)
    “There were two fish in a tank, one turns to the other one and says “you take the turret and I will drive!”.”

  92. Gavlius says:

    A man walks into a bar.

    He then walks out of the hospital with 3 stitches for walking into a bar.

  93. Sadukar09 says:

    Two muffins are in an oven, one turns to the other and says “Man it sure is hot in here.”

    The other turns and say “OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN!”

  94. evil says:

    A couple of family- leave on vacation to Jerusalem with mother . In an accident , mother dies … Trying to be helpful , groom guide explains :
    – It will cost 5,000$ to send home … But you could bury mother in here , for only 150$ ! … Think So ! … It is much cheaper! …
    – However , I will choose the first option ! – Meet the groom . Here a man died , they buried him and resurrected three days ! … I do not want and can not risk! …

  95. Sillycatfish says:

    The best joke i could think of:
    -World of tanks has some issues, but they can be fixed, how do you plan on fixing them?
    Serb: how terrible! Discussion closed, next question!
    -so you don’t want to fix the problems?
    Serb:Sure! Just buy our newest $50 package that contains a bad tank and useless items!

  96. KbdNoOni says:

    Two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says: “do you know how to drive this thing?”

  97. KingWolf says:

    A teacher asked her students to use the word “beans” in a sentence. “My father grows beans,” said one girl. “My mother cooks beans,” said a boy. A third student spoke up, “We are all human beans.”

    Makes me chuckle everytime.

  98. FN5Seven says:

    Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”
    Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

  99. Korok says:

    My english is not the best and I dont think german jokes sound so funny in english but I will give it a try.

    A police car is chasing a another car for going to fast and after some time the chased stops.
    The police officer walkes to the driver and says. “Today is my birthday so if you give me a good excecuse I will let you go and I dont bother myself with the paper work”.
    The driver replies “Two weeks ago my wife left me for a police officer, when I saw your car in the mirror I was scared you bring her back”.

    • Spooky says:

      Hmmm, usually I don’t like jokes that put somebody down, but since you were doing it in another language…code incoming. Let me know if it works on the EU server (assuming that is where you are playing).

  100. warhamsterdave says:

    One day, a blind man and his dog are walking down a street, they come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.

    The blind man and his dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, and offers it to the dog.

    A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can’t control his amazement and says to the blind man, “Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!”

    The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, “To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass.”

  101. Parishilton says:

    A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He’s now a seasoned veteran.

  102. sutyi says:

    Joke of the month: WarGaming

  103. Valky-Nes says:

    Staying true to the theme of the website:

    There are two gold fishin a tank.

    One looks at the other and says, “You know how to drive this thing?!”

    (Sorry it’s lame :P)

  104. Leo says:

    One of my favorite jokes:
    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
    ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’
    The wife stared at him. ‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’
    The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving

  105. milanji says:

    One short :)
    Two friends went to football game and they made agreement, how many goals their favourite team receive that many beer they must drink. The match finished without goals, said first let’s go to the basketball game :)

  106. Lito says:

    Always made me laugh when I was younger and also the only joke I could remember, cause it is so short.

    -What is a tourist bus full of tourists called to a lion
    -Lunch delivered straight at home

    Sorry if you cringed, I don’t crave the reward, just wanted to tell this. 😀

  107. Valkyrie says:

    My friend at the singles club was blithely chatting away, oblivious 
to the fact that her name tag had slipped down over her breast. I asked another friend if I should say something to her. “Like what?” she asked. “What she named the other one?”

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